Monday 21 January 2013

First article written and wrote by myself

1, This Was the first article written about Me.
http://issuu.com/outnorthwest/docs/outnorthwest104/37

2, This is my first article I worte
http://issuu.com/outnorthwest/docs/outnorthwest106/35

3. SECOND ARTICLE
http://issuu.com/outnorthwest/docs/outnorthwest107/35

4. BEST ARTICLE
http://issuu.com/outnorthwest/docs/outnorthwest108/35

5.
http://issuu.com/outnorthwest/docs/outnorthwest110/21

6
http://issuu.com/outnorthwest/docs/outnorthwest111/21

7.
http://issuu.com/outnorthwest/docs/outnorthwest112/19

8.
http://issuu.com/outnorthwest/docs/outnorthwest113/21

Wednesday 16 January 2013

Tea?


So I've made it! “Made it to what?” you say? My very first cafe, where others similar to myself sit with their tech devices, books, writing pads, pens, and are fashionably suited. What makes this so special? That I'm doing it on my own and I can definitely feel like I'm suited here. Allow me to explain.

All my childhood, I was told I was different and treated differently, and I don't mean in a special, happy kinda way. Because of that lack of acceptance, I never feel like I fit in. I was ushered into a state of mind where I can mimic my surroundings to blend in. The damage that caused was that I spent many years trying to fit in, and accomplishing the task but never finding my true comfortable place.

Well, I'm 90% there. Why 90%? Because its more positive than any other lower number. As much as I'm learning about myself, I am a work in progress, but comfort I seek. Inspiration is what I love!
So allow me to describe the opulence of my surrounds :))))

The cafe is located in the Northern Quarter of Manchester, the arty alternative retro side of Manchester, England, conveniently located three minutes' walk from my flat. It's a tearoom, with warm colours and red picnic furniture – the place calls your imagination in. The freshly baked desserts awaken your senses before your decision is made.

With my back against the wall, I look onto the clientele. A handsome man sits with what I hope not be his girlfriend, young students talk among themselves (their conversation shows values and pleasantries... until maybe a Friday night), a man sits next to me with his Apple computer and a couple of books... something similar could be said about a few sitting on their own working.
The music is jazz. Ahhh, music is important for atmospheric conditions – it sets your mind at ease and tells your soul it's OK to relax. So, we have warmth, we have smell, we have sight, and we have soul. Does that not simplify me?

I love the amount of natural wood that fills the room; it brings you literally down to earth as the voices of Dunah Washington & Belford Hendricks (Manhattan ) play (NOTE: I had to ask the kind waitress who it was, my fantasies are now a reality).

Here is a little pic to give you some idea



Wednesday 9 January 2013

Life? where how when?


All my life, I have felt like I have been here before, and I have searched for what my purpose has been, why my suffering has continued, why it took place, why I have had to be alone. I, I, I. I no longer feel that alone, I do not feel like my suffering has been in vain, and I now know what my purpose is. Well, kind of. 

Recently an article in the Huffington Post in the USA was written about me. As a result, a young man in Australia found the courage to come out to everyone on Facebook. He's labelled me as someone inspirational. Then 24 hours later, another young man here in Manchester contacted me on Facebook to say that the piece I wrote in my column made him feel less alone. As I am PVTE about who's on my Facebook, I added him, pondering my decision. He messaged me to say thank you, and from his perspective, just knowing I was a message away gave him a peace of mind.

I, for once in my life, feel like I have a purpose. My mom always said that I had to be careful with my energy, as when I'm happy, everyone else is happy, and I would have to channel that to something greater than myself, and she's right. But as much I will do my best to carry on, I sometimes run into a wall, where my own emotions struggle – hey, I am human after all. Where do I find the inner strength to go forward? 

I am human, and I need affection and love to move forward. I am a gay man, with the emotional (and I believe biological) brain of both a woman and a man. I am a caring, nurturing soul, and therefore I require that back in return, and I'm slowly getting that.

My purpose in life is no longer small, and I will make sure it is not, as I am no good to anyone if I play stupid and insignificant. I'm slowly beginning to understand how to read life in a good way. You have to give in, and loosen up on control, in order to receive the beauty that might unfold. 

Listen, I know all too well that life's a bitch, but she's good to us when we least expect it. Now what of that? ( least expect it, could be expected more, without the least part? ) Wouldn't you want to live a bit more then?

I didn't want to write today! I find it hard, and I'm not physically well, but look, I feel good doing it. I feel like I don't want to eat that Crunchie bar sitting in my bedroom dresser drawer. I want to go to the gym, and I want to post this now so I can have a crumpet with butter instead! I'm not PERFECT! 

Tum tum wants food! Night xxx



Monday 7 January 2013

Flight Departure

So I'm at the airport on my way back to sunny England (*cough*). I've not been so emotionalbefore! I took the cab ride back home yesterday with Mom . And something popped into my head, no matter what I think of cultures, I still ultimately love cultures that believe in family values. Sitting in my cab and many other of my friends vehicles for the past few weeks, each had something in common, a rosary for good lucky and safety, the Virgin Mary on the dash board a picture of some saint for safety.
You may think its crazy, but these are the people who believe, they believe in something, they would laugh and giggle greet you with a warm smile and with no doubt have values.
Simplicity, do you know how many moments I can remember, just sitting back and listening to my friends giggle away? pointless conversations among each other, cuddling up with one another and laughing? I miss it Sooo much.

And so I'm curled up now, with my shoes, off, sitting on a place in business, and as comfy as one could be. Fabulous!

Si mi amour tu tambien.

Point Of Beauty


So I'm sitting here on a deck chair surrounded by a lagoon in panama! My girlfriends put diving and I'm sitting here on my own for a bit watching the world go by.
How am I? I'm getting there, my heart aches but at the same time it's filled within excitement, an feeling a state if mind that I'm finding another piece of the puzzle to who I am. I found more clues to my existence. Key words my friends have said to me have unlocked thoughts and feelings to my personality.
The wind agrees, it blows with a sudden rush around my body as if to say yes!!! Your finally getting it.
I've missed playing with the embrace of Mother Nature. I hear the water infront if me the birds around me, the sun holding me and the breeze guiding me.
I'm safe in my little world right now, remembering and now finding out who I am!
Don't ask me as I still don't know but it's making sense in a mad mans
Crazy head.




Saturday 5 January 2013

Huffington Post

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marten-weber/the-face-of-honesty_b_2378660.html


Well Its about Me


arlier this year one of my Huffington Post pieces about barebacking, "No Latex, No Love," caused quite a stir. I received a lot of emails and Twitter (@webmarten) messages from people telling me I got it wrong and should let people do what they want. "Shut up and get out of my bedroom!" was amongst the more harmless. Others called, preposterously, for the criminalization of barebacking.
A little baffled by the varied responses, I sifted through them for a common theme. Two emerged. One was the obvious, ignorant, selfish and irresponsible "don't tell me what to do," and a second was that barebacking wasn't the actual problem; getting tested was.
It took six months of thinking and reading up on the subject and a trip around the world to Manchester, England, to clarify things for me. Here, on a cold winter day, over steak and salad, I met Patrick Ettenes, an HIV activist and writer for Out Northwest magazine. We initially connected on Scruff, because our profiles both said "writer." But what really made me want to meet him was his statement on the phone that "HIV is the best thing that ever happened to me!"
So, please, ladies and gentlemen, meet the face of honesty, a man who contracted HIV from his partner in a scene of callous selfishness. "Oh, I thought you knew I was positive," the lover told Patrick after having unprotected sex with him for months.
2013-01-01-photo.JPGHIV changed Patrick's life. "It was a wake-up call. Suddenly I saw things clearly and knew what I had to do."
For three hours Patrick and I discussed barebacking, young guys not giving a damn whether they are positive or not and the inevitable remedy.
"The world has changed in the last decade," Patrick told me. "Ten years ago, all the bars and saunas gave you free condoms; nobody would dare suggest barebacking. Now it's all over the place. Manchester has a new infection epidemic." I mentioned the missing HIV booths at all three Pride events I had visited last summer. "Exactly," he said. "People are fed up with HIV and AIDS. They don't want to hear about it, so they simply ignore it."
"The real problem is not barebacking but ignorance and denial," he went on. "The real problem is not getting tested!" Unprotected sex with an HIV-positive guy on the proper meds is far safer than sex with an undiagnosed stranger, he asserted. "It's not the positive guys on meds who spread the disease. If your viral count is undetectable, chances of passing it on are zero. Most new infections come from guys who have never been tested. They contract the virus, pass it on to hundreds of partners, and one day wake up with their tongue swollen and a their immune system a complete mess."
Contracting HIV has changed Patrick's life. It has made him an outspoken advocate of testing. He has appeared on Britain's national broadcaster BBC and is an avid blogger and writer on the subject.
"I hooked up with a young guy a few months back who refused to wear a condom," Patrick said. "I told him I was positive. That freaked him out. I confronted him: 'What would have happened if I hadn't told you?'"
I agree that denial is the real problem in the gay world right now. Patrick has talked to lots of young guys who believe that living with HIV is no longer a big deal and that testing is unnecessary. Patrick describes the prevailing attitude thusly: "If I get it, I get it. So what?" He says it is these kids who spread the virus. "Without testing, you can sleep around for years with a viral count that's off the chart," he explained.
In a way, it's a mirror image of the vilest macho talk out there. "If you have never contracted an STD, you are not a real man!" is something you can hear in many a pub. Because it can be controlled with better and cheaper drugs, HIV has become a badge of honor for some.
Is there an easy way to solve the HIV crisis? Yes, there is: compulsory testing. The HIV test should be included in every standard medical exam. You test positive, you go on your meds, and you are no longer a significant risk for the community. It's not barebacking itself that has led to a new uptick in infections. It's denial.
"Obviously, the condom message has failed with the younger generation," Patrick said. "There are so many guys out there, maybe conditioned by bareback porn, who just say, 'If I even see a condom, I lose my hard-on.' If we can't prevent the spread with condoms, we need to stop it by testing."
In many countries HIV tests still carry a stigma. In the Caribbean, Latin America and many Asian countries, there is little privacy. Compulsory testing would be horrible for people in countries that still deport those who test HIV-positive (more on this subject here).
But even in the UK people still misunderstand the disease. When interviewed by the BBC, Patrick was repeatedly referred to as an "HIV carrier," even though, thanks to medication, his viral count is virtually undetectable.
"There is so much work still to do," he said. "We need to get the message out, now."
Watch charming Patrick on YouTube here.
Marten Weber is the award-winning author of Benedetto Casanova, the memoirs of Casanova's fictitious gay brother. His latest bookIn the Mirror a Monster, is a mystery novel dealing with, amongst other things, HIV and the attitudes of young men regarding sex.