Tuesday, 2 October 2012

The Broken Bones

Well, after many months of encouragement from friends, family, and even a sweet reporter, to start a blog, I find myself actually doing it. Shall I explain why? Because I've been so ill recently I thought I needed some company. Yes yes, for some odd reason the sound and action of tapping away at my keyboard signifies enjoyment - better than the last hours spent on Gaydar with empty conversations and dead hopes.

I am a writer – it's taken me years to finally look at all the work I've written, and look at myself and be proud of what I've achieved. But I do know it's something I would like to do more of.

I was recently interviewed for BBC Out North West tonight and was aired a few times discussing HIV issues( for all of you who don't know, I'm positive). But I did mention while my interview was taking place that I was perfectly fine on my medications after nine years. Little did I (and the world) know that I had a clinic appointment after my 15 minutes of fame.

What I found out was that my viro load had increased and I now had to do a resistance test. Long story short, I started new medication. And what hell I've been through. I've always bragged, and almost with pleasant delight, that I've never been ill on my medications. Well, I cannot do so any more! Isn't it funny how things happen, to make you realize, perhaps? I've been ill for about three weeks. During the first week,  I was in a coma for three days. I don't remember much, only a shower and  bed. My room was like a plague scene ( I would like to say death, but I'm not a drama queen... * cough * )

Anyway, after a week of suffering, with what I cannot describe any better than an exorcism of my very soul, I actually started to feel better. Might I just add that I did finally lose the extra weight I've been struggling with for far too long. On a personal note: yeah to HIV for making me finally THIN!
On my way to recovery, I went back to work, to only find myself slowly getting worse again. Short story: I have the flu and good Lord, I'm praying I'll be back to normal again. I don't think you remember when you're ill what it is like to be healthy.

I called this article Broken Bones because that's what it felt like. I give credit to anyone who's had to change their medications, or start them, to only be brought down to your hands and knees by illness, the shivers and shakes, the throwing up, the nightmares... its almost like something out of a horror film setting. There isn't a bright light anywhere near, but darkness leans over your bed to where your savior is only under the sheets wrapped up warm.

I guess there is a plus side of this, and I'm not speaking of my new found thinness, but on a serious matter, and that is that I can actually now write, discuss, and feel what others have gone though. It is true what my dear mom said – things happen for a reason.

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